Growing up in my house I
unfortunately witnessed prejudice on a daily basis. My father was an extremely prejudice
man and it affected my home all the time. I was not allowed to have African
American friends and was forbidden to date anyone of color. I was often angered
at these rules, I could not understand what made my family different than one
of a different color and would argue this point with my father and grandfather.
One incident that specifically stands out to me is a moment when I had a friend
hanging out on the front steps with me. He was a black boy of about 13 and we
were just sitting around talking when my father came home from work. He went
ballistic, yelling at the boy to get away from his daughter and calling him all
kinds of derogatory names. The boy was devastated and embarrassed and could not
get off my steps fast enough. My father made that boy feel like he was smaller
than an ant and took all of his power away from him. The boy’s confidence and
self-esteem suffered a great deal from that incident and I am sure others of a
similar nature. We lived in a low income area where Caucasians and African Americans
argued all the time.
Even after 25 years this incident is still burned into my
brain. Before that time I had heard negative talk but had never been a first-hand
witness to prejudice (especially in my own family) The hate that I saw in my
father’s eyes was astonishing and is broke my heart. I was angry with my father
but the young boy’s pain was obvious and it broke my heart. That moment changed
my life because I knew that I would never allow my words and actions to make
another human being feel that way about themselves. I do not see away for this
incident to ever have been changed. Idealistically my father would learn to
accept other human beings regardless of race or color but that still has not
happened and at the age of 63 I do not see that happening in his life. It has
taken him several years but he has finally accepted that his grandchildren are
Hispanic but they are the only human beings that he will love and accept
regardless of their race and he has said as much to me on more than one
occasion.
Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteMy sisters were both married to Black men when I was young. My mother being born and raised in Missouri in the 1930's definitely had a learned prejudice. She told us a few times about how in Missouri there were separate bathrooms and restaurants for Blacks and Whites to use. The restaurants and restrooms for the Whites were much nicer and much more well kept than those for the Blacks. There were even separate drinking fountains.
Although she did not necessarily approve of my sisters' marriages she did try to welcome the men into our family. Unfortunately the men were not of the best caliber and my sisters were both divorced shortly after their marriages. Even through all of that my mother would not talk badly to the men. She would support my sisters when they needed help and sometimes would ask my brothers what they thought of the men but she would not talk badly or yell at them directly like what happened to your friend. She did also love her grandchildren.
Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is WOW I can not imagine how you or your friend felt that day... I think when we see, or hear about prejudice on television or read about it in the newspaper we most times dismiss it because "it's not us"; however when it happens right in our home it is very hard to understand that person's feelings toward someone who has done nothing to them except breathe and live. I am glad your father has accepted your children.
Wow this story was a real eye opener it a shame when you have parents that are this way and not just speaking of yours but any parent who feels like their child can only be friends with a certain race and feels that way towards them. As a parent he should have been more open to the fact that you can befriend anyone who you wish but to put the boy down inn that manner and way kills many things in a child.
ReplyDeleteYour experience is very powerful, and I see how interactions with your father when it comes to race shaped you, and guided your own experiences. By thinking differently then your father, you broke the cycle of racism and are showing your children how to be more loving and tolerant people.
ReplyDelete